tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54143767923456687442024-03-12T17:52:01.590-07:00Time in a Dark TheatreTheatre Girl pretending to be a reasonably responsible adult.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-76633050548939039382010-04-28T21:54:00.001-07:002010-04-28T21:54:57.685-07:00Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity.<br /> - Christopher MorleyKellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-41828077349841865162010-03-23T11:55:00.000-07:002010-03-23T11:59:48.861-07:00HomeThe long and winding road<br />That leads to your door<br />Will never disappear<br />I've seen that road before<br />It always leads me here<br />Lead me to your door.<br /><br />The wild and windy night<br />That the rain washed away<br />Has left a pool of tears<br />Crying for the day.<br />Why leave me standing here?<br />Let me know the way.<br /><br />Many times I've been alone<br />And many times I've cried,<br />Anyway you've never known<br />The many ways I've tried.<br /><br />And still they lead me back<br />To the long, winding road<br />You left me standing here<br />A long, long time ago<br />Don't leave me waiting here<br />Lead me to your door.<br /><br />But still they lead me back<br />To the long winding road<br />You left me standing here<br />A long, long time ago (ohhh)<br />Don't keep me waiting here (don't keep me waiting)<br />Lead me to your door. (yeah yeah yeah yeah)Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-38025846931656218432010-03-11T20:50:00.000-08:002010-03-11T20:58:19.300-08:00Couldn't be happierAs I sit here in my office listening to classical music blasting from an instructors office across the hall, starting a light plot that's due to my advisor by 10am tomorrow I realized I had a damn good day.<br />How luck I am to:<br />be alive<br />be doing theatre<br />have enough money to pay bills<br />share a banana split with two good friends after a huge meal at the diner.<br /><br />Through the stress of everyday and the finals week crunch I have to remember that life is good and I should enjoy it. Even in these little moments.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-44982627538010296552010-02-08T01:34:00.000-08:002010-02-08T01:38:15.391-08:00thank youToday would have been Dad's 60th birthday and this is the best I can describe how I feel about it...<br /><br /><br />how bout getting off these antibiotics<br />how bout stopping eating when I'm full up<br />how bout them transparent dangling carrots<br />how bout that ever elusive kudo<br /><br />thank you < daddy><br />thank you terror<br />thank you disillusionment<br />thank you frailty<br />thank you consequence<br />thank you thank you silence<br /><br />how bout me not blaming you for everything<br />how bout me enjoying the moment for once<br />how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you<br />how bout grieving it all one at a time<br /><br />thank you < daddy><br />thank you terror<br />thank you disillusionment<br />thank you frailty<br />thank you consequence<br />thank you thank you silence<br /><br />the moment I let go of it was the moment<br />I got more than I could handle<br />the moment I jumped off of it<br />was the moment I touched down<br /><br />how bout no longer being masochistic<br />how bout remembering your divinity<br />how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out<br />how bout not equating death with stopping<br /><br />thank you < daddy><br />thank you providence<br />thank you disillusionment<br />thank you nothingness<br />thank you clarity<br />thank you thank you silence<br /><br />---<br />Doesn't mean I'm not taking my klennex box to bed with me.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-31788120243859185552010-01-22T15:27:00.000-08:002010-01-22T22:17:14.278-08:00Productive DaySo, the frustrating part of productive days is paying bills. I really dread these days of having a stare down with my checking account. It frees me up to not worry about payments for another month so it's a necessary evil. I'm glad most of my bills are now in mid month instead of 2 years ago when they all where in the beginning of the month and I started out my month with a small amount of money left over. It made me bitter and angry and not want to go out since I know I can't afford it. AT&T is making me pissed off more than it should but that brings me to the better part of productive days like this. <br /><br />Dance breaks<br /><br />Pop on the ipod and find the comfy headphones. I'm gonna be rocking around my room while I cross off my TO DO list and write checks. I look ridiculous but only Chase.com knows this and we get together about once a month to get into the groove. Without this ritual I think I might murder some one while I pay my bills. I mean really, how can you get psycho about a phone bill when you're listening to Usher? Don't judge, the kid's got a good voice.<br /><br />And if things go well, I'll be window shopping on heels.com.<br />And if things go badly, I'll be window shopping on heels.com<br /><br />Although I'm feeling the need to drool over some Dior lately.<br /><br />If there was a doubt that I'm in the wrong field, just look at my web browser history.... LED pars and Christian Dior. <br /><br />Glad I'm finally feeling secure and at home enough to have a kick ass day alone!Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-85985809082446905672009-12-25T13:38:00.001-08:002009-12-25T13:38:59.357-08:00A hug from DannyI miss him and it's hard without him but we can do it.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-25896708886932824682009-12-02T22:46:00.001-08:002009-12-02T23:03:55.869-08:00Socks and earringsWhen I was little I used to watch Punky Bruster in the afternoons and wonder what I could do to be that cool. It started with the bangs and scrunchies. Then came the loud 90's spandex clothes and ridiculous accessories. But something I always had before Punky made it popular was the mis matched socks. To this day, I still do not own a pair of plain white socks (I blame most of this obsession on my Mom, she's always sending me holiday socks, I guess that's her way of mailing me a hug). <br />Last night after a particularly bad nostalgia night at the bar I had one more beer than I meant to and lost an earring somewhere. I was getting ready for bed tonight and glanced over at the loner still sulking on my dresser and started to wonder if I could mis match earrings like I did socks...<br />There's nothing particularly wrong with not being perfectly symmetrical, in fact the human body isn't so why should our clothing or accessories be? Who is going to notice? or care? It'd be good conversation and frankly I think it's meant to be.<br /><br />Just because you lost part of your pair doesn't mean you are worthless, just that you're purpose has changed. Instead of being half of a whole, you're unique. Maybe you'll find another piece that compliments you well but doesn't fit quite as well as the original but who needs to be perfect?Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-91350282932358611842009-11-05T15:19:00.001-08:002009-11-06T11:49:57.873-08:00San DiegoAfter two months of living in my hometown I have come to a few realizations.<br /><br />As much as I love this city I don't ever want to live here again. It will always be home and I am very comforted by just mindlessly driving it's streets on instinct and letting all the memories flood back into my brain. So and so lived in that apartment and I ran out of gas on this block one night, I always took this route to school because it was more adventurous and had less stoplights. Even discovering the new places my friends have called their home in different locals around the county feels natural because it's home and there isn't much of this city I haven't seen at least once. But for whatever reason I feel like a tire spinning it's wheels when I am here. I get too wrapped up in the history of things and spend less time focusing on the future. This town is like a time warp that sent me reeling back 6 years and made it all too easy for me to forget the battle I have almost won in pursuit of my degree.<br />With that said it should also be noted that I have been struck by this sublime sense of companionship since I moved back down here. It is reassuring to see familiar faces every day. Not that I don't appreciate the friendships I have established up North, they are just different. After surviving the worst year of my life it is relieving to return to those I've depended on for more than two year. People who knew me and my father and understood our relationship and how devastating it was for me to loose him. Someone I don't have to see every day to maintain a relationship with since I barely see them now that I'm in college. Those who support the decisions that make me happy even though they know it will lead me further away from them. <br />So now my attention should be shifting towards the future. Graduate Studies and life thereafter. Will I return to Southern California? Most likely not. Do I want to stay in the Bay Area or Northern California? I couldn't tell you just yet. Am I entertaining the East Coast again? Certainly. My priorities at the time lead me to the answers I need but I'm starting to run out of idle time and need to keep powering through and find some good results soon. Things that will make me happy that I spent this unplanned time with my family but move me forward in my career and in my life.<br />But it all started out in San Diego.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-88721538435480896192009-10-24T01:39:00.000-07:002009-10-24T01:56:02.981-07:00Just to get sleepy and it worked1. whats your name spelt backwards?<br />Dranoc Naej Yllek<br /><br />2. What did you do last night?<br />Go to my History class<br /><br />3. The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?<br />A rington<br /><br />4. Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?<br />Many times<br /><br />5. Last time you swam in a pool?<br />Few weeks ago<br /><br />6. What are you wearing?<br />Pajamas<br /><br />7. How many cars have you owned?<br />Three. 1992 VW Jetta, 2001 VW Jetta, 1997 Toyota 4runner<br /><br />8. Type of music you dislike most?<br />Straight rap<br /><br />9. Are you registered to vote?<br />Since 2001<br /><br />10. Do you have cable?<br />Yes<br /><br />11. What kind of computer do you use?<br />Apple Macbook 13"<br /><br />12. Ever made a prank phone call?<br />No, but I have called and hung up.<br /><br />13. You like anyone right now?<br />Yes<br /><br />14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?<br />Sky diving<br /><br />15. Furthest place you ever traveled?<br />Atlanta, Georgia<br /><br />16.Do you have a garden?<br />Not until the deer move out<br /><br />17. What's your favorite comic strip?<br />Peanuts<br /><br />18. Do you know all the words to the national anthem?<br />Yes<br /><br />19. Shower, morning or night?<br />Morning<br /><br />20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?<br />I don't think I've actually watched a movie in the past month<br /><br />21. Favorite pizza toppings?<br />Hawaiian<br /><br />22. Chips or popcorn?<br />Tough choice, popcorn<br /><br />23. What cell phone provider do you have?<br />AT& (no last T since they drop half my calls now)<br /><br />24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?<br />No but I knew someone that did and they smelled terrible. :)<br /><br />25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?<br />No<br /><br />26. Orange Juice or apple?<br />Another tough one, apple.<br /><br />27. Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?<br />My sister<br /><br />28. favorite chocolate bar?<br />Milky Way<br /><br />29. Who is your longest friend and how long?<br />Ashley, 26 years. Close friend? Julie 12 years. damn.<br /><br />30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?<br />About a month ago<br /><br />31. Have you ever won a trophy?<br />Yes, girl scouts don't discriminate <br /><br />32.Favorite artist?<br />What kind of art? Music, painting, design, photography? I guess to be super broad here I could say God.<br /><br />33. Favorite computer game?<br />Flash games... Confuse box and circle the cat<br /><br />34. Ever ordered from an infomercial?<br />Once, wasn't worth it<br /><br />35. Sprite or 7-UP?<br />7-up<br /><br />36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?<br />School, no. Work, yes and yes<br /><br />37. Last thing you bought at Walgreens?<br />When I lived in San Francisco? I think pantyhose <br /><br />38. Ever thrown up in public?<br />Yes sir.<br /><br />39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?<br />Right now... a millionaire<br /><br />40. Do you believe in love at first sight?<br />Not really<br /><br />41.Can exes just be friends?<br />Certainly not without feelings<br /><br />42. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?<br />.........my dad.........<br /><br />43. Did you have long hair as a young kid?<br />Yes at 16 it reached my belt.<br /><br />44. What message is on your voicemail machine?<br />My voice<br /><br />45. Where would you like to go right now?<br />Sleep<br /><br />46. What was the name of your first pet?<br />Bailey, a golden<br /><br />47. What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?<br />Light pink Jansport with the logo upsidedown. I bought it that way...<br /><br />48. Last incoming/outgoing call on your phone?<br />My boy<br /><br />49. What is one thing you are grateful for today?<br />Balls to go cuss out college kids for parking in the middle of the f***ing street. I hate STDSU<br /><br />50. What do you think about most? <br />The future and who or what will be in it.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-62788035387313361902009-09-15T01:50:00.000-07:002009-11-05T15:03:53.105-08:00Mini Coopers and American SportsToday was possibly one of the worst nights I've had since April.<br /><br />I watched the Chargers game alone for the first 2 hours. He would have been there. He would have seen...<br /><br /><br />I've been let down before but why is this so much more heart wrenching than before. Is it because I've realized how desperately I need my close friends? How much I missed my hometown? How much it hurts that my boy doesn't want to attempt to see me down here? How epic it is to be here without Him? How he's not ever coming home... How much I really am numb to everything...<br /><br />San Diego won<br />but I lost<br /><br />and I won.<br />I had a few drinks with an old friend and mentor. Venting and cursing feels good, especially with a pint in your hand and the promise of a damn good rolled taco afterwards.<br /><br />Thankgod<br />for<br />life.<br /><br />It's a trip that everyone should try and a story that will never grow old.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-34995538092102065382009-07-03T22:53:00.000-07:002009-07-03T23:04:01.556-07:00My heart belongs to you<span style="font-style:italic;">"She prays for him every night. She hopes that he can hear her."<br /></span> White Trash Beautiful - Everlast<br />I miss my daddy.<br /><br />I've had a very full week. I started paid work with the company on Monday. I graduated college, I'm preparing for grad school...<br /><br />but I as soon as the car door closes and I'm on my way home my mind can't help but go to all the places it hasn't been in a while. The spots where it hurts, where it's unsettled. Where my heart has a hole in it.<br /><br />I guess the most I can say is that what I know, my dad knows and I can feel that he's proud of me. But it doesn't make it any easier not to want to grab the phone and call him just to hear his voice. To know he's there, to hear the words. <br /><br />My dad wasn't much for words but the few he said were powerful and true. <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"I wish you could have meet my dad, you're a lot like him and he'd be proud of you.</span>" Letter from my dad on my High School graduation 2001<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"She prays for him every night. She hopes that he can hear her."<br /></span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-90621819022432533342009-06-02T14:56:00.000-07:002009-06-02T15:01:30.434-07:00aint it funnyhow today we have time for things we didn't feel like doing yesterday?<br /><br />Wanna know what is NOT funny?<br /><br />How NO ONE from my college will respond to my emails. Two out of the three academic advisors at Oakes I need to talk to are on vacation. WTF. Who said it was a good idea to take a vacation right before your job basically ends? You couldn't wait the two weeks? F minus. Seriously.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-5544565336730413332009-06-01T20:41:00.000-07:002009-06-01T20:43:37.835-07:00Need a dogI have decided I need a dog. If I move to Davis without anyone or anything to look forward to come home to it might kill me. I need a friend.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-83592437377096501692009-05-26T13:43:00.001-07:002009-05-26T13:43:43.696-07:00Today's panic attackI'm screwed, I'm so stressed. Why did I think I could do this? I'm so screwed. I can't do it. I need to talk to about eighty million people to figure out one simple thing and all I want to do is give my HS transcripts to someone. Preferably the right person so I don't have to do this again and get even more screwed. I have nothing accomplished. I'm freaking out. I haven't done my reading for class at 4pm. I had 2 people stay at my house this weekend and it messed me all up. I get the feeling you don't really want to be at graduation, like it's taking too much effort. I'm so afraid I'm not going to meet any of my requirements to graduate. It costs $40 to apply, the deadline was last month. Davis needs a bunch of paperwork too. Like tomorrow. I won't be able to go to Davis if I can't finish this stupid audit. My advisor hasn't answered any of my 3 emails. I need help from god knows who. Where did the month of April go? Why is it already June. I need to write exactly 4 papers in less than a week and see a show at Berkeley Rep and participate in a dance show. I don't even know if my Department Chair will still sign my waiver for my last class I need for my major. <br /><br />I need my Daddy.<br />< crying now ><br /><br />And now I'm mentally done for the rest of the day and it's only 2pm. fantastic.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-34526615023814981592009-04-30T15:31:00.000-07:002009-04-30T15:42:52.321-07:00Day ThreeI'm having a hard time today.<br /><br /><br />I love and miss my family more than I can ever express in words but today they are getting on my nerves.<br /><br />I've been really glad to get re-acquainted with my cousin but today she started chatting with me on facebook and the first thing she asked is when I'll be coming out to see her then she asked if I had gotten everything together at school. Not even close. My uncle wants pictures from the weekend, my mom wants a flight booked to come see me and asked why I haven't seen counseling yet.<br /><br />I'm trying really really REALLY hard to not crawl into the corner of my office and start sobbing.<br /><br />I had a full day of classes on Tuesday and today. By full I mean 8am to 6pm. My truck's check engine light came back on so I had to deal with that yesterday.<br /><br />I cannot fix everything in one day.<br />Nor do I want to. I'm choosing to take one subject a day so I don't get too overwhelmed and anxious like I'm feeling right now. This is incredibly hard as it is and I don't need my family, those who are supposed to support me through this, attack me as soon as I leave their sight. I'm not just sitting around the house waiting to hear from them again. I'm working really really hard at keeping my life somewhat afloat right now.<br /><br />Please, just cut me some slack.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-30476712476605365412009-04-07T13:19:00.000-07:002009-04-07T13:31:48.647-07:00Little plastic castle is a surprise every time.I need to see my family. I'm glad I'm flying down for Easter this weekend. As aggrivating as it is to drive to San Jose and get on a plane, it is worth it every single time. How I view my interaction with my family is reduced to the little things I took for granted when I was a kid. A cup of tea with my mom, holding my dad's hand during church, making silly notes for my sister to find.<br />It comes in phases. Some days I am really strong and don't think for a second about cancer. Other days, like today, my dad is the only thing I can think about. I go to class and continue to keep my appointments because I want to keep achieving the things I love, which is what I think he has always wanted me to do. I've been trying to focus my gaze on the celebration of death, the beauty of fulling your time and purpose in life. But some days I can't stop thinking about how I soon won't have my daddy anymore. So I guess this post is to continue my search for a good perspective...<br /><br /><blockquote>They say goldfish have no memory<br />I guess their lives are much like mine<br />And the little plastic castle is a surprise every time</blockquote><br /><br /><br />one day at a time, one goal at a time, one moment at a time.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-61732573617815542392009-03-23T22:26:00.000-07:002009-03-23T22:27:01.887-07:00He makes me happier than I could ever say. I love that boy.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-39369201465426712262009-03-23T21:48:00.000-07:002009-03-23T22:01:30.968-07:00HomeI am home to hang out with my dad this week and get some much needed support from some old friends. I don't know why but the sympathy and offers of help I get from all these people that have been in my life for less than a year feel kind of empty. I know they mean well and there are some who genuinely care (I got sick a few days ago and I mentioned I wanted some apple juice and my housemate brought some home that night, he's not all bad) but they didn't know my dad or know our relationship so it's hard for them to comprehend the heaviness that this is.<br /><br />Talked to my ex the other day about the cat. Though he never really cared for my cat he did live with him for a year so I felt it was important to tell him. We had a good chat and caught up on the world... looks like he's moving to the East coast soon and I doubt we'll talk after that. I think we're both okay with that. <br /><br />Got to see my friend's little boy when he picked me up from the airport. This friend is amazing... he's the only one who has ever picked me up from the airport since I moved north. Seeing kids right now makes me kind of melancholy. I'm happy to see new and full life but at the same time really really sad that I might not be able to share that same experience in my life with my Daddy. <br /><br />I'm not sure he'll make it the rest of the year. But greater miracles have happened and I am blessed for every day that I still have him.<br /><br />Sister went to Disneyland for her boyfriend's birthday today. Her birthday is on Wednesday... I am researching presents and everyone seems to be real excited about happy family time.<br /><br />I love family time even more now and I'm not sure how that was even possible.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-41226792719171553882009-03-20T22:32:00.000-07:002009-03-20T22:42:23.099-07:00DiabloDiablo, my cat died at 4am yesterday.<br /><br />He was loosing blood at an alarming rate so around midnight the all night Dr called and asked if we would like to go ahead with surgery, just to see what was there. He called after the surgery and reported that Diablo had multiple huge spots on his liver, one of them had ruptured and was causing the bleeding in his stomach. We decided the best thing to do would be to not wake him from the surgery. <br /><br />Everything happened so fast and I still can't quite process it. The only regret I have is that I wasn't there when he went into surgery. I'm sure he was scared, I was scared. I couldn't stop shivering after talking to the doctor.<br /><br />We brought him home after going to breakfast and buried him in a sunny spot in the yard not far up the hillside from the house. It give my heart peace to know that he is still around but it hurts more somehow. I feel like he's lost for a few days and he'll be home soon. <br /><br />Maybe he's not lost. I hope he's in the sun lounging or draping his front legs over the back of a big chair near a fireplace in heaven. I miss you Bubba. <br /><br /><br />RIP Diablo<br />October 2003 - March 2009Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-71502140357341770852009-03-18T20:40:00.000-07:002009-03-18T20:51:20.659-07:00I have not another tear to shedI have no words for the last month I have had.<br /><br />Dad went to the oncologist today. They pretty much said, keep him happy and watch his blood levels and if he feels any pain, they will change his medication. He cannot go to chemotherapy because some levels don't add up, not to clear what that level is but... my dad is dying.<br /><br />My cat is now in the hospital as well for exactly the same problem. He ate some hamburger meat and stopped moving around so we thought it was the onion (which is bad for cats) but when we transfered him from our normal vet to a 24 hour facility they said he has blood in his stomach for some un-known reason. <br /><br />I am now convinced everyone around me is going to die from cancer in their stomach.<br /><br />All I can think of is this scene from King Lear<br />Titus Andronicus: Ha, ha, ha! <br /><br />Marcus Andronicus. Why dost thou laugh? it fits not with this hour.<br /><br />Titus Andronicus. Why, I have not another tear to shed: <br />Besides, this sorrow is an enemy, <br />And would usurp upon my watery eyes <br />And make them blind with tributary tearsKellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-89746253684102699462009-03-15T14:21:00.000-07:002009-03-15T14:26:22.026-07:00This summer to do listI should really reorganize my digital photos, print a bunch and delete the ones that I don't need. My picasa is getting a bit full and my iPhoto is even worse. What good are pictures if you don't print them or use them right? Project!<br /><br />Rite Aid has pretty reasonable prices for digital printing and I'm sure I've got a free photo album kicking around somewhere. This will go along great with my other summer projects of moving to Davis and restoring the 1955 Chevy we just bought. Ha.<br /><br />In other news, put a deposit on a truck! It's super clean and low mileage. We do the paperwork and such Tuesday! Excited!Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-84453325137199706882009-03-08T17:45:00.000-07:002009-03-08T17:46:07.096-07:00RollercoasterJust so everyone is on the same page let me recap the last two weeks of my life for you.<br /><br />I am finishing up my 2nd to last quarter at UC and on Wednesday, February 25th I was leaving for class and got into a horrible head on collision two blocks away from my house. The VW Jetta we had just made the last payment on in January is now totaled. I'm beginning to think that I was never meant to own a vehicle because every time I do they get totaled. I have one burn on the back of my left hand from the airbag deploying and my left knee hit the dash and made a beautiful purple bruise. <br /><br />Thursday, the 26th of February I got a message from Dream School saying that I have been accepted for their Graduate Studies in Dramatic Arts. There are about 50-60 applicants for the Dramatic Arts program a year, around a dozen for my emphasis and when I interviewed with the professors in October they told me only one applicant is accepted a year. So, I am the one out of twelve (or sixty). <br /><br />Friday the 27th I got a phone call back from my mom. Things were not looking good for my dad, she said he had lost a lot of weigh and didn't have an appatitite. They're waiting on test results.<br /><br />Saturday and Sunday, February 28th and March 1st I was in tech for the most ridiculous and collaborative show I have ever worked on. I had my girl Becca with me so everything was a lot more manageable. She is my sunshine, my only sunshine...<br /><br />Fast forward to Wednesday March 4th. Around 5pm I get a phone call from my mom saying my sister took my dad to a blood test and they called back saying he must be admitted to the hospital immediately. His blood count was so low they had to give him a blood transfusion right away. She was shaking on the phone when she told me that someone had approached her to ask if they had been counseled for cancer. This was the first time any one had ever said that word. I called Eric to book me a flight home for Friday.<br /><br />Thursday: Originally the doctors were describing a type of rare cancer that starts at the endocrine system or your hormones and glands. It is unstoppable and no one has survived from it. Dad had a piece of blood mass taken out of his stomach and they sent it to biopsy. <br />He has had 5 pints of blood put in so far, the human body contains 8.<br /><br />Friday: My car got towed away. I got in a car, on a plane, in a car, home, in a car and to the hospital. My dad still looks like my dad, just like he's aged 20 years in about 3 months and lost 50 pounds. It is relieving to see him and my family it is un-nerving to start dealing with everything and every one. At this time we have determined their is bleeding in his stomach from the cancer, it will damage one of his kidneys and there is most likely some cancer in one of his testicles. An ambulance took him to a radiation consultation and treatment session. We were fortunate to get both done so quickly. While Dana and I are there the doctor comes in and says that if Dad keeps a stable about of blood for 48 hours he can come home.<br /><br />Saturday: At this point have talked to about half of my extended family because every time my mom gets on the phone she cries and she is at the hospital at 5:45am to be ready for the second transport to radiation treatment downtown. She sent out an email inviting anyone who "has a burning desire to mow my lawn, feel free". I had already previously called my most local uncle to come down and take care of some housework for his sister. So after some light grocery shopping with my sister, Randy and I are trying to figure out how to restring my dad's weed wacker when two old family friends, Chris Innis and Craig Carlson show up in their pickup truck full of 2 weed wackers, a blower, and a lawn mower. It takes half an hour for 3 guys to do what would have taken Randy and I all day. It was so surreal and all I could think of to say was thank you. In the back of my mind "You Find Out Who Your Friends Are" by Tracy Lawrence lyrics kept floating around. I send Dana to relieve Mom so she can get a nap and when I finally get to the hospital Dad is off his IV and sitting in the chair in his room watching a movie with Dana. Good. I'm there when they take his blood pressure and oxygen level. Improving. Might go home tomorrow.<br /><br />Today: Dana and I get up early (again) to go to church. The pastor of the church my parents have been attending for the last year has been to the hospital twice to see Dad. They have a ministry called Squares and Prayers. They make quilts to give to bless those who are sick or in need, each knot on the blanket is tied by a church member who has said a prayer just for you. They dedicate the quilt during Wednesday night’s Lent service. The pastor took it to 2 Bible studies and then brought it to my dad in the hospital. Dad is eternally grateful; I have just learned that the quilt went with him to radiation. Pastor Dave also came to the hospital on Saturday to give my parents communion. I just wanted to thank this man in person for being so present and helpful, giving, and full of the love of God. They prayed for Dad out loud in the service and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My dad has cancer. It was okay for the family and friends to say it but to hear the other pastor, some one I barely know say his name and say the word cancer finally made it real.<br />Dana and I get home and start washing Dad’s truck. Mom calls and says they are ready to leave, I’ve never been so happy to wash a car as fast as I possibly can in my life. I go to the hospital to switch cars with Mom and pick up some stuff for Dad at the pharmacy. I’m smiling the whole way.<br /><br />We, as a family have decided to live it one day at a time. Today and tomorrow is all we need to worry about right now. Getting him home and keeping him rested and going to radiation. <br /><br />We are humbled, blessed and a family. <br /><br />Thank you to all who prayed for us during this time of severe need but the battle is not over. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers while we find out what this cancer thing is all about and how to keep living one day at a time.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-6573090039215902192009-02-21T00:08:00.001-08:002009-02-21T00:11:33.604-08:00Dream School updateMight be accepted to Dream School. I got an email from the graduate advisor saying the faculty was impressed with my application and will be recommending me for their program to the Graduate Studies.<br />I think this means I'm through the first hurtle and now I just have to wait for my transcripts to check out. I will know by 8pm on the 28th.<br /><br />Here's hoping I dotted all my i's and crossed all my t's.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-22059994585029097552009-02-11T21:24:00.000-08:002009-02-11T21:31:38.091-08:00DannyI can't concentrate enough to do homework. My dad went to Urgent Care tonight. We don't know what's wrong with him but it might be something with his liver. <br /><br />It hurts and I'm praying, that's all I can do from 500 miles away.<br /><br />On another topic, my department chair asked to speak with me for a few minutes today after work. He, in so many words, asked me to step out of the design I have coming up next quarter to assist him on a show in San Jose and to design a fund raiser for Shakespeare.<br />It comes down to weather or not I really want to be a lighting designer. Do I further my career with two more good marks on my resume or do I have fun with my friends on my last show at this campus?<br />Everything I think about tonight hurts in some way or another. Maybe I'll just go to bed now and listen to the rain fall.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">I lie in an early bed<br />thinking late thoughts<br />waiting for the black to replace my blue</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5414376792345668744.post-1802865243712057352009-02-10T21:28:00.000-08:002009-02-10T21:35:24.634-08:00Desks and tablesI want a real desk. I have college furniture. It's all miss matched and easy to move. I currently have one tall bookshelf, one shorter bookshelf, a filing cabinet and a square table I got from a previous employer. That's it. Nothing permanent or special. I've tried my hardest to organize appropriately but there is a limit to how many boxes and bins one can have in two bookshelves and how much crap one can pile on top of a desk.<br />I feel like I've cleaned out as much as I can. There just isn't a coherent design or space to be artistic. I hate it.<br /><br />I need a drafting table with drawers. Maybe I'll build my own...<br /><br />Great, another thing to distract me from doing my homework, or is it? maybe I could put it in my drawing pad and claim it for the drawing class. Ohh, I like it.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09585205071582904735noreply@blogger.com0