Money on my mind on Black Friday


I'm thinking about taking a year off from school and theatre...
I'm still going to apply to Dream school. I'm still looking for another campus to apply to (hometown UC was kind of rude, I was a little turned off).
But there are jobs here in town that start at $3.000 a month that I'm confident I could land just as long as I believe in myself.
With the crazy economy right now, paying off some of my $20,000 college debt before racking up some more might be a good idea. Especially since I got my statement for next quarter today... yeah $3,000 tuition.


New Year's Resolution number one: Get better at tracking finances that will give me less of a headache during tax time.


I looked at the website for a regional theatre, they have an internship for marketing and social networking. Basically my job would be surfing facebook and myspace to promote the shows for eight hours a week for two semesters.
Just when I had lost all hope in a job in theatre...


Happy Thanksgiving

I wish I was at South Carlsbad State Beach camping with my family.



Maybe it's the crappy economy right now
maybe it's the holidays looming around the corner of finals
maybe it's because it's going to rain tonight
maybe it's the lack of money
maybe it's my lack of interest
maybe I really don't want to do theatre anymore...

I've been thinking a lot about what I really want to do with the rest of my life... kind of the point of this blog, actually, and I can't come up with an answer.

I love theatre
I love art
I love to teach
I really like organizing things

but maybe, just maybe, I'm more interested in other parts of my life growing and learning more.

There might not be a season next year for a number of local companies, including my employer from the summer. I'm looking into internships at the production facilities for our equipment. Still applying to Grad School but not sure if I can afford it right away... or ever.



Should have know better

I'm so sick of this show, of this theatre, of these angry people, this disorganized schedule, these petty fights we have every day.

It can't be like this everywhere. Theatre is still a great passion in my life but it's magic is shrinking in my heart. This company is killing me and I can't ignore it.

The battle lines have been drawn. It's the design verses the production. I don't understand how they can't work together, can't be adults.

Why is it so fucking painful to make something so beautiful?


Follow up

Well, I went to my Department Head.
I explained how I though responding would be fueling the fire. He took a copy of the letter just in case things get out of hand. I don't want to push this any further. I don't think the person this letter is about wouldn't like these things said on his behalf either so I'm just going to let it rest. My DH was sympathetic. He was mostly concerned for my safety and feelings but he still gave me a few answers like I thought he would. He said he would follow up with a meeting with the author of the letter and I told him it was alright to talk to the subject of the letter about it.


As much crap as I get for talking with my DH so much, I'm glad he's on my side. He cares and I really appreciate it, especially at times like this.


Play nice

Sometimes it's hard to play nice in a field of work you care so deeply about.

Our department has a "Town Hall" meeting once a quarter. It's a time to get all those discussions you hear in the hallways in between classes out to the faculty and staff. I have been very passionate about almost every subject brought up in these meetings so it's hard for me to, um sensor, myself in what I say and to whom.

I just got a two page letter from another theatre arts student who thought the things I said were offensive. I never meant to hurt his feelings but I don't regret what I said either.

So I don't know how to respond to this. I feel like I should write a letter back and explain what I said and how I had no idea that it would offend him in this way but at the same time I want to say "eff him" (He said some nasty things towards the end).

So in a normal situation I would go to my advisor/mentor. But he's the department chair and the department and will give me a 'chair of the department answer'.

I just want to know what to say.


Dream school interview

went really really well. Now for the finishing my undergraduate.


It all comes down to

My life for the next three years will be determined to a big black portfolio case, 6 large folded pieces of paper, a list of names, transcripts, drawings and pictures.

But mostly, my future comes down to the confidence I have in myself.


What is your purpose in life?

Dream school asked me to bring my resume, portfolio and my application to meeting on Thursday.

Might as well tattoo "Self Concious" on my forehead.

My resume is strong, my portfolio is out of date, I haven't finished my application because it askes for a statement of purpose.

How am I supposed to write my purpose in theatre in an elequent and beautiful way when I don't even understand it myself?

I don't know what my purpose is. I couldn't tell you why I NEED to be involved in theatre. I just do.


PS. Still haven't started my 12th Night paper, it's due the day I'm at Dream school for a tour. Got distracted with cleaning my desk in the office and playing with my pathetic portfolio.
God I need help.

Avoiding Illyria.

I guess we'll go with round two of 100 random facts.

26. I love to play HALO with the boys. There is some kind of epic battle being raged in the living room as I type.
27. I have found I cuss a lot when playing ANY video game. "Get the bitch out of my WAY, you princess HOOKER!" <- That would be Mario Kart Wii.
28. I can only pretend to be a macho guy for about 2 rounds of Halo, then I get butt hurt about everything.
29. Wish my life was more streamlined, which basically comes down to the thought that an iPhone will solve every problem I've ever had in my life.
30. I really miss homemade meals. I make them for myself and get more pleasure out of feeding the boys around me that actually making the dish and feeding myself.
31. My favorite color is pink. I don't wear it often but I find ways to sneak it into my everyday life.
32. My biggest fear in life pushes me to achieve great things with or without it's depressing numbers.
33. I absolutely HATE doing the dishes but can't stand having a kitchen full of dishes so I end up doing them anyhow. My dad made it a war with some kind of score that I never wanted to be a part of.
34. I saw a beautiful sunset on the way home from the theatre today.
35. It's nice to see the sky from under these giant trees every once in a while.
36. I bake cookies when I want attention. No other reason.
37. I have a box full of blank thank you cards and try to send them out whenever possible. Handwritten thank you's are a lost art form.
38. I plan on sending one to the director of the show I just saw for getting a free ticket, even thought I wasn't on the list.
39. If you act like you know what your talking about, most people will hand you the keys to the kingdom.
40. I wake up around 6am but stay in bed because it is warm. I eventually get out before 8am and down to campus by 9. I really don't have anything to do until noon most of the time.
41. Socializing is one of the main reasons I love theatre so much. You only have to be nice to people for 6 weeks at a time.
42. Gas where I live is $2.78 AMAZING!
43. I took my cat home with me over winter break last year because I didn't know anyone who would be in town to feed him.
44. I'm glad I did. It helped end my last (terrible) relationship. Long story
45. I think about going to church every Sunday. Then find some lame excuse not to.
46. I want to send my kids to a private school. I got an excellent education out of it and appreciate it more and more each day.
47. My dream car right now is a Dodge Magnum. It has light up cup holders.
48. Cup holders are a selling point in a vehicle for someone who previously did not have one. One of the reasons I got my current car, you try driving 3 cups of coffee from work to a study group with NO cup holders.
49. I miss working in the scene shop some days
50. I think my boss' boss if finally starting to like me, or at least not hate me.

Now back to my paper about 12th Night. Hurray!